Category: Personal Stories

Since I’ve started this blog, I have had many personal experiences that have been rewarding, eye-opening, or inspiring. Some have been heartbreaking. Here I’ll share those personal essays.

Why I Now Hate Southern California Farmers’ Markets

Credit Joseph Lapin: LACMA
Credit Joseph Lapin: LACMA

Every Sunday (sometimes Saturday), my wife and I head down to the farmers’ market in Hillcrest — a neighborhood in San Diego northwest of Balboa Park (one of my favorite places in the world) where a rainbow flag waves at the corner of University Avenue and Normal Street — or in Little Italy — a section of downtown that was once the Italian fisherman’s neighborhood. These neighborhoods are some of my favorite places to visit in San Diego because of their restaurants and general vibrancy, but my wife and I also consider their farmers’ markets two of the best we’ve ever been to in Southern California, even though we love the L.A. markets, too.

(My brother in law always tells a funny story of seeing Lauren Conrad pretending to shop at the farmers’ market in LA for the paparazzi. He said her assistant was holding the bags from the farmers to show she was shopping organic, and as soon as the cameras started snapping, she took the bags out of her assistants hands and started to pretend that she was holding them.)

Honestly, my wife and I really enjoy our weekend trips to either Little Italy or Hillcrest. It’s become a routine for us. We walk in Balboa Park, and then we head to grab food for the week. Before we leave, we grab the reusable bags from underneath the counter, and we drive over to the Hillcrest Market, park a couple blocks away near our favorite breakfast place The Great Maple, and start walking down the the center of the white tents as if we were walking through a bazaar in Game of Thrones.

There really is something about the farmers’ markets that just gets you. I’m not sure if it’s the fresh air, or listening to the desperate food hockers who start yelling to sway you away from the other vendors. (I always go to the people who aren’t yelling at me to try their food.) That strange and exciting tone could also be due to the fact that the vendors all give you free food. Shit, by the time my wife and I go home to cook breakfast (usually a scramble made with some fresh eggs and mushrooms) we’re already full. We filled up on the free samples of the vegan hummus, or the organic guacamole, or the dates from the old red-headed lady who never talks to you just sits in front of her plate of fresh dates, which are precisely sliced, set with toothpicks, and arranged in a perfect circle as if her fruit was just too good not to be eaten (I love that lady, and her dates), or the granola from the grannie who sells her bars with more genuine spunk than Goldie Hawn’s character in Wildcats. (Literally, the other day she told me she would sell me a granola bar any time, any place — even before the market opens or anytime I catch her on the street.)

Goldie Hawn in Wildcats
Goldie Hawn in Wildcats

But even though I love the characters at the farmers’ market, and their delicious pierogis, gourmet local peanut butter, fresh kale and swiss chard, infused salts, goat’s milk gelato, and cold pressed juices, I have to admit something very difficult. I love feeling that I’m healthy, supporting local farmers, and eating organic. I love know that I’m eating straight from the farm to the table, as they say, but I’ve realized something: The farmers’ market is way over priced, and it needs to change in order to create a realistic alternative to the grocery store.

I’m all about buying straight my farmer, and I know that they’re some of the hardest working people in the country, and their hands know strength that my keyboard-striking fingers will never know, but you’re really going to charge me $8 for a dozen eggs? At any grocery store, I can buy a dozen eggs that are organic and cage free for around $4. Why is it double at the farmers’ market? Some of these vendors and business owners charge reasonable prices, but when you’re selling at the farmers’ market, you don’t need to give the grocery store a cut. Perhaps I’m wrong: maybe the farmers’ market takes a cut. But why are the prices higher when there is no middle man? Yes, I get that it’s hard to grow organic crops, but if we’re ever going to be a society that eats healthier and values the lives of animals, then shouldn’t our farmers’ markets be, at least, the same price as the grocery stores who sell organic foods?

Lacma stairs

In 2011, The Atlantic ran a story that seems to contradict my frustration with farmers’ markets:

“A report released earlier this year by Jake Robert Claro, a graduate student at Bard College’s Center for Environmental Policy who did the study for the Northeast Organic Farming Association of Vermont, found that prices at farmers’ markets for conventionally grown produce items were lower than they were at supermarkets.”

Clearly this study is old, but it helps contextualize that people have often thought that organic food was more expensive than the conventional farming produce found in many grocery stores. In 2011, The Atlantic said I would be wrong, but I just can’t imagine that same study working today. Perhaps there is just so much demand that farmers have to charge higher prices? Here is what I found: “A January report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture shows that while more farmers are selling directly to consumers, local food sales at farmers markets, farm stands and through community supported agriculture have lost some momentum,” according to NPR.

So the expensive prices in the San Diego farmers’ markets can’t relate to the rising demand, unless San Diego does not correlate with the rest of the country. I still can’t figure it out, and I’m not the only one. Just look no further than celebrity chef Jay Rayner. As reported by the Daily Mail, “The MasterChef star, who also works as a critic for BBC One programme The One Show, said that the overpriced fare sold at local markets is nothing more than a ‘status symbol’ for wealthy shoppers.” The article shows that Rayner went on a tirade because he had to pay £15 for a chicken.

Star Wars Mural

What’s even more shocking is that Pacific Standard Magazine pointed me toward “a study of every farmers’ market in the Bronx [that] finds they are basically boutiques, offering produce that is more exotic, and more expensive, than the grocery stores located nearby. What’s more, their merchandise includes “many items not optimal for good health.” So, it’s more expensive and not even healthy. Okay, something is wrong.

But maybe I’m wrong. And I could be. I could be missing something about the industrial farming complex or something really elaborate behind the scenes, but I am committed to eating healthier and buying directly from farmers. I have bought into the farm-to-table movement, but I’m also done falling for a marketing scheme. I’m done falling for the idea that organic produce, meats, and eggs have to be double the price of grocery stores. In order for our world to be more sustainable and to create a community that supports farmers growing healthy products, there needs to be an economic shift in these white-tent bazaars that we flock to on the weekends.

I would love to hear your comments and insight. These are just observations I had from really looking at what I’m spending at the farmer’s market compared to the food I actually bring home, and I’m just not happy with my analysis. Let me know how you feel about farmers’ markets in the comment section. Also, hope you enjoyed the photos from my recent trip to LACMA. Please take the poll below.

How I Ended Up Burying a Body in My Front Yard

It had started out like any other night in North Park, San Diego. I had just finished a long day of work, and it was still dark outside. We were a couple of weeks away from daylight saving time, so the longer days of summer were still in the future. I was craving those longer days and the extra amount of light, and by looking so far into the future, I wasn’t thinking about how life can change on a dime.

I had just taken my dog Hendrix (read more about Hendrix’s epic life) on a walk around the neighborhood. He was panting a bit from the exercise. He’s in good shape, and he’s about 70 pounds of muscle. While he looks like he could rip out someone’s throat, he’s a sweetheart and wants to cuddle way more than fight, unless he feels that his family is unsafe. Then he can be a terror. He was a bit on edge when I approached the house. It was almost as if he could tell something strange was about to happen.

Photo Credit, Bianca Lapin
Photo Credit, Bianca Lapin

As I approached the house, I was wondering what to cook for dinner (my wife was at work function), and I was even thinking about just saying screw it and driving to Downtown North Park and grabbing some sushi. My thoughts were normal, and it’s funny how the moments that lead up to something important can feel so ordinary.

When I opened the screen door, I heard the creak of the wooden door, and I didn’t think much about it, until I could see Hendrix staring at something on the door. Sure enough, clinging to inside of the screen was the biggest lizard I had ever seen. I wasn’t sure what kind of lizard it was at first, but I just kept staring at it, because it was almost shockingly large. It wasn’t an iguana, and it wasn’t a snake either. I have only lived in San Diego for a few months, and my guess isn’t that good. But if I had to take a guess, I would say it was the San Diego Alligator Lizard.

emwebbiikc3113

I hate to disappoint you if you were expecting something more monstrous or even poisonous, but the San Diego Alligator Lizard isn’t as dangerous as the black widow, which I’ve seen in my home, or a rattlesnake. In fact, when this particular lizard wants to defend itself, it sometimes releases its tail, knowing that it will grow back, according to California Herps. They are known to bite, but I knew right away (despite the lizard’s size), it wasn’t going to be dangerous or threatening.

Hendrix was still scared, and because the lizard was on the inside of my screen door, I knew I had to get on the other side. I didn’t want the lizard crawling into bed with me at night. So I grabbed a Time magazine, rolled it up, and gently nudged the San Diego Alligator Lizard off the screen door and onto the front porch. When the lizard hit the ground, Hendrix freaked out as if he was Scooby Doo and just saw a ghost. He was backing away and barking. I’ve never seen Hendrix back away from anything before.

I didn’t want him to kill the lizard, so I brought him closer and told him the lizard didn’t want any trouble. I told him to relax and stroked his back. Calm down, Hendrix. Calm down. The lizard and Hendrix just kind of sat there looking at each other, wondering what they hell they were. I let Hendrix go inside, left the lizard alone, and cooked dinner.

The next morning I wasn’t thinking about the lizard at all. I was thinking about the same routines that I think about every day. Did I feed Hendrix? Do I have time to shower? Should I cook fried eggs again for breakfast or try that new yogurt my wife is always raving about?

Without thinking, I grabbed Hendrix’s leash, roped the leash around his neck, and opened the door to witness the sun shining so bright I had to cover my eyes from the rays. I went to shut the door behind me, but it was stuck for some reason. We have a heavy wooden door, and sometimes the welcome mat gets stuck underneath. So I moved the mat aside and tried to shut the door again. Still no luck. I slammed it perhaps four more times without the door shutting. I was confused and frustrated.

That’s when I looked into the corner of the door, and to my great horror, I saw the San Diego Alligator Lizard. It’s hard for me to say (you might think I’m crazy to give this much thought to a lizard), but when I saw the lizard in the crevice of the door, I felt like a brick had just fallen down my throat and decided to push up against the lining of my stomach. It was an awful site. Just the head of the lizard was stuck in the corner of the door, and as I was slamming the door to try to make sure it was shut, I had literally flattened the head of the San Diego Alligator Lizard.

I’m not sure how this is possible with a completely flattened skull, but the lizard was still moving. It was almost walking. I thought about trying to save it, but when you unintentionally bash the head of a 12-inch lizard, you don’t really know what course of action to take. I quickly realized there was no coming back for this reptile, and I had to bury the body. I took a rock and finished the job.

Pet_Cemetery_-San_Francisco-3

In our front yard, we have this area where there is mulch and some sculptures. We share it with our upstairs neighbor, but I wasn’t sure if he ever messed with the area that had mulch. It seemed untouched, and I figured no one would ever think twice to look there. So I took the lizard’s body, picked it up by the tail, and began to bury it under mulch and rocks.

Yes, I had just buried a body, and I felt awful. I wasn’t sure if anyone else would feel that pain. In fact, I thought that anyone else would probably poke fun at my sensitivity, but I hated the fact that I had unintentionally killed something. I told my brother-in-law when I arrived at work, and then I told my wife later. But I still felt shitty about it.

Over the next couple weeks, I would look and see if the lizard was still there. Sure enough, the lizard was still there. I probably could have buried him better, but I went about my routines, and the San Diego Alligator Lizard eventually left my thoughts.

Honestly, I didn’t think again about the lizard until a few weeks later. I was out with my neighbors, and we were talking about gardening. I started to tell the story of how I killed the lizard, and then they looked at me and started to laugh. “That explains it,” my neighbor said. “It was you.” Yes, I was caught. They finally found me. It turned out the lizard’s body had started to smell, and they uncovered the lizard under the mulch. They thought some kid had killed the thing in some cruel example of torture and wanted to hide the evidence, but in reality, it was only a grown man who felt terrible about squashing its head in a door.

I know this blog post is super dramatic (perhaps misleading), but at the same time, I actually did feel guilty for killing this creature. Would you? So I’ll put a poll question out there: Would you feel bad for killing the lizard? Answer below:

Five Observations from the Patriots Chargers Game

Joseph Lapin
Joseph Lapin

This past weekend I went to watch the New England Patriots take on the San Diego Chargers at Qualcomm Stadium, and it was a game that put the Patriots one step closer to a first-round bye and home field advantage in the playoffs. I had the hook up with the seats, and I was sitting at field level, where I could see just how big Rob Gronkowski looked next to Julian Edelman. (It was like looking at a hobbit standing next to those giant walking trees in Lord of the Rings.) The game was unbelievable, and the Patriots took control in the fourth quarter. But for the people who couldn’t make the game, I wanted to share my observations. These aren’t the type of observations that would show up on ESPN; it’s just the way I experienced the game. Hope you’ll enjoy. Your comments are always appreciated. (By the way, I took the following photos on my phone, so they’re not the highest quality.)

5. Qualcomm Stadium is a Disaster

Photo Credit Joseph Lapin
Photo Credit Joseph Lapin

I heard that Qualcomm Stadium was a disaster from many people, which is probably why there are so many rumors out there that the Chargers are moving to Los Angeles. They haven’t put money into the stadium seemingly since 1992. We heard the traffic was awful too, so I had my wife drop us off at IKEA, and we walked over to the stadium, cutting through corporate industrial parks and trails on the side of a steep hill. It was hilarious because at the end of the night there were so many drunk fans trying to scale the hill that it turned into a traffic jam. At the same time I’m bashing the Chargers’ stadium, it really reminded me of being a kid and going to the original Foxboro Stadium. The seats were all metal, so you would freeze your ass off in the middle of the game. I loved that stadium and hated it at the same time.

4. Chargers Fans Secretly Love Tom Brady

Photo Credit Joseph Lapin
Photo Credit Joseph Lapin

This guy was sitting behind me. He was holding this photo up real proud. I’m not really sure what he was trying to accomplish here. Yeah, I get it; he’s trying to say that the Patriots are cheaters because of Spygate, but what’s up with putting Tom Brady on a poster hugging a ball with his shirt off. This guy secretly loves Tom Brady. The fans were screaming, “Tom Brady runs like a girl.” I saw someone had taken an image of Brady and put a wig on him. Even girls were yelling he runs like a girl, and I was just sort of questioning the root of all this “shit” talk. They were really trying to emasculate Brady. That’s fine. But don’t you kind of look silly with signs like this? Continue reading “Five Observations from the Patriots Chargers Game”

Five Thanksgiving Observations from California

Photo Credit Joseph Lapin
Photo Credit Joseph Lapin: Thanksgiving Meal

This Thanksgiving, my wife and I invited a small number of people over to our house to celebrate. It sort of served as a house-warming party, and as the night moved on, I started to kind of write my blog post of the things I was observing. So here are five Thanksgiving observations.

5: Cooking the Turkey Isn’t that Hard

Photo Credit Joseph Lapin: Turkey
Photo Credit Joseph Lapin: Turkey

Before Thanksgiving, my wife and sister-in-law didn’t want to make a turkey (probably because they knew how much hard work it would be), but my brother-in-law and I knew we couldn’t have Thanksgiving without one. It would be like having Christmas without pierogi or Passover without dipping some of that parsley in the salt water that you can’t stop eating because the Seder is long and you are SO hungry. I had a lot to learn about cooking a turkey first though. What I gathered from some advice articles is that you have to brine a turkey before you start cooking it, and I’m glad that we did, because the turkey was so moist and had this zesty flavor. I’m still eating the turkey today and it has remained tender. Here is the brine recipe we used: Turkey Brine.

Overall, cooking the turkey wasn’t that hard. The main thing you have to worry about is planning and ensuring you follow through on the schedule. When you start opening the oven and witness the turkey browning, then you feel like a Top Chef. Of course, I’m talking about this like I cooked the turkey alone. If I’m honest (which I always promise to be, even though that’s kind of a lie), my wife and sister-in-law really deserve all the accolades for why the turkey looked and tasted so good. I can’t even say I supervised. I lifted the turkey, gutted the turkey, and basted the turkey, but the rest, well, that wasn’t me. I still can say that if you want to make a turkey on Thanksgiving, don’t be scared and definitely don’t settle for a ham. Continue reading “Five Thanksgiving Observations from California”

How to Deal with Grief on Thanksgiving

Grief on Thanksgiving

For most people, the holidays are a chance to relax, surround yourself with family, and celebrate being alive, but for others, it’s a difficult time, because they’re in mourning for a family member or someone in their family currently has an illness. I’ve been a part of some tough holidays, and last year, I was reminded of one of them when I wrote down this memoir flash piece:

Dealing with Grief on Thanksgiving

I don’t have a big family. We’ve been scattered across the globe: the result of war, struggling economies, and divorce. And since my grandparents died, Thanksgiving at my home in Clinton, Massachusetts, is usually just my mother, brother and me sitting quietly around a table, scooping brown mush, white mush, and microwaved vegetables onto our plates, ignoring the palpable presence of those who are gone or never there. Back when they were more than just a memory, my grandparents always broke the quiet by sharing stories about New York City during the Great Depression—or the day they brought my mother home from the adoption agency. Now I just watch the candles burn in the center of the table, believing I can hear the wick gasping. Then I begin to hear my grandparents’ voices. I know they aren’t real, but their haunting timbre is too much to bear. So, stuffed with turkey and various shades of mush, I walk into the living room where our out-of-tune piano sits like a coffin. I play a basic chord progression, pressing down on the jagged keys. Then my brother leaves the table to sit next to me on the wooden bench that creaks like pews in church, and he pushes down on the root notes of my chords in a higher register, creating something bordering on harmony. My mother stays at the table and listens, scanning through memories. Some Thanksgivings she joins in and sings with us, other times she just listens from the dining room, smoking Marlboro Reds and waiting for the phone to ring, for a voice, for a family looking for those who are missing.