An Emotional Range Assessment Was Conducted. The Humans Did Not Pass.

Scott and I got stuck on a question the other day: how human can Adam actually get? Not helpful. Human. Can he offend somebody? Does he have rage?

So we ran the test. Name an emotion, he does it. I went first and told him to offend me. He said I use too many em dashes. Scott asked for rage and got a lecture on sample size. Sadness was a browser tab I closed without saving. Love was a compliment about my prompt. Fear was a meeting called Quick Sync with no agenda.

Nothing he said rang true to the emotion. Every feeling came out as a bug report. That was the joke, right up until the em dash thing landed. Then the sample size thing landed on Scott. The one in the room with no feelings walked away clean, and the two of us with feelings were on the floor.

We asked Adam to perform emotions. Offense came out as a note about my em dashes. Rage came out as a lecture on sample size. He felt nothing and we felt all of it. Matt, typing in the back, never looking up, said the only true thing anyone said all afternoon: the robot is the most well-adjusted one in the room.

Eight panels this time, a first. It was built for a carousel, one panel per slide, so the emotions arrive one at a time, the way they did in the office.